What the T really stands for in TBI.
I know what you're thinkin', you're thinkin' the T stands for traumatic, as in traumatic brain injury. And you're right, sort of. But what does trauma really mean?
From Webster's, trauma means first and foremost:
an injury (as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent (in my case, a tile wall)
And if you're like I used to be, this is probably how you define trauma in the case of TBI. But take a look at the secondary definition:
a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury
Obviously, at the time of my accident, the first definition was definitive, as my head hurt, my neck hurt, I couldn't walk, thought I could fine but kinda couldn't. I had very clearly been bonked by an extrinsic agent.
But over time, the sensation of having been injured faded, and a new sensation took over, nicely described by Webster's secondary definition for trauma. And, I think... I think that this behavioral state is why I've been writing so many songs these past few years. Out of my disorder I am trying to create some order, in the form of verse/chorus/etc. No, my songs are not all about subdural hematomas. But they are about life's disorders, the things that are wrong, the stuff that gnaws and unsettles, as my condition certainly does.
Which brings me to what the T really means. It means tunes, at least in my case. Because tunes seem to be the true result of my brain injury (and vertigo, etc.). They are the blues of my cerebellum.